Them’s the Breaks … (An alternative CV)

The Ad breaks. She was fascinated from an early age. The combo of art and psychology with a call to action in such a short time period was genius. The Chinheads et al.

She won a ‘marketeer v’s musketeer’ debate illustrating how campaigns could change the world. How, in the right hands, the pen will always be mightier than the sword.

‘I’m gonna create’ she said, promptly winning every library competition for four years in a row and living in blissful ignorance of whether she was gifted or the only entry.

She did. Her first imaginary ad was buoyed by the appearance of a Soda Stream around the time of the Bucks Fizz winning Eurovision entry. She visualised aged 9.

You gotta speed it up (kid presses the fizz button quickly)

And then you gotta slow it down (kid pulls handle down slowly)

And when you believe that a love can hit the top (lime green syrup squirting upwards)

You gotta play around (kid shakes the bottle to disperse said colour)

And then you will find that there comes a time for making your mind up (kids family gleefully choose from array of flavours on supermarket shelf)


At school she shunned the list of work experience placements and created her own with Pintail Design and Marketing. Agog at the row of Pantone pens and blank pages.

Higher education proved that supply and demand curves did not suit her as much as winging it with words. She filled her boots with enjoyable qualifications.

One educational experience led her to an ad agency tour where her lecturer bestowed the virtues of account management opportunities but she dreamed instead of ideas in the attic.

Adpartners selected her in their final 5 to meet an Absolut Vodka brief. A bottle beside a carton of milk, some drops spilt on top of Dr. Feelgood’s 45rpm of ‘Milk and Alcohol’.


The caption … Absolutlait

Next stop a Portakabin. With attic vibes. Compiled many a poetic wine list by gut feeling and overuse of the words elderflower and autumn tones.

To the education sector. A college specialising in vocational courses. Prospectus design and copywriting from scratch. Created SFEU award winning campaigns under her strapline …

‘Courses For the Real World’


‘I can do this for myself’ she said and clever river was born. Meeting briefs and brief meetings. Pitches and proposals to clients from garden centres to The Scottish Executive.

Audience Development for Scottish Ballet. Aimed at increasing the number of 16-25 year old attenders involved running an alternative creative campaign to promote The Nutcracker.

Suggestive dangling of a pair of chestnuts coupled with images of girls nights out ‘have a cracking night out on us this Christmas’ or alongside romantic couples ‘Drive your partner nuts with free tickets’

At the time it was revolutionary to ask people to Text to Win so she did. Then they did. Overall Scottish Ballet did with the campaign target numbers being exceeded.

Scotland’s Colleges needed lots of technical copy to implement the Scottish Credit Qualifications Framework into the College sector. Info pack nominated for a Beacon Award.

But to lighten the load with retro vibes she also created a 70s style Mastermind online peg game with qualifications moving around until the levels were correct and the lights were lit.

The Scottish Canoe Association benefitted from her TV ad and her sponsorship prizes. She corrected her dad who was surprised there was an association for Gnu’s.

Folklore tales proved a winner for Girvan Online. It seems international users love a Sawney Bean narrative. Won Calor Gas tourism & community website of the year.

‘Can you find Sawney’s Hairy Tree?’ led not just to an animated global forum but a brand new tourism attraction as visitors sought to be the first.

She managed the Burns an’ a’ that Festival creating new events like Burnsfest and Burns On the Beach. With very little budget she hired nostalgic music acts like Chesney Hawkes.

She took the Facebook page from scratch to over 17k followers and she and her team played with the Scots language creating unique festival attractions including

‘The Mercat, Jook About Ceilidh, Burns Howf, The Haverin’ Hoolie, The Chillootery, Scran Street, Some Comedy Yeah, The Poe-Tree, Bairns Bunnet, Haggis Hunt and more!’


She experienced a tourism nature journey in Finland and wrote a piece on ‘Bears, berries and getting back’ used in a UNESCO Biosphere publication.

‘Our landscapes yell diversity. Our experiences are plentiful. Our coastlines are sandy and beautiful, our hills rolling and green. If you are looking for highlands, islands, lochs, purple mountains or even a return to a cityscape, it is never far away. We are part of one of the world’s most beautiful countries and our nature is leading the way … ‘

She won a bursary funded place from The Jean Armour Trust to Glasgow University School of Arts to study at the Centre for Robert Burns Studies.

‘A Man’s A Man For A’ That would be one of the last pieces Burns would ever write in his lifetime.

… Stanza five almost takes the form of a standalone prayer. It makes a plea for common sense. It nods to a better future. It concludes something supremely powerful yet kind, showing Burns as a true humanitarian. It has the ambition to change minds.


She decided somebody should write and create thelandoburns.com from scratch to bring together all the worldwide locations connected to one of the world’s best poets and writers.

Then continuing the ‘legendary Scottish Robert’s’ theme she wrote about Robert the Bruce for ‘Bruce’s’ Web trail app and restored the original name Carraig to create visitcarraig.com

Her work with SEALL Arts on the Isle of Skye took her back to selling tickets, creating content and increasing social engagement. With the added bonus of Scottish Gaelic.

What is now an annual stint reviewing Edinburgh Fringe acts for Edfest Mag reinforced her joy of writing as she succinctly captured the essence of someone else’s imagination.

Then BOOM ... a course with ex Guardian writer Peter Carty in travel writing burned in her brain as a way to combine her passions. This is percolating as she writes.

Sometimes she wondered ‘Do my brands look big (enough) in this?’ … but then she remembered Chesney ;)

She was on the cusp of stuff. Maybe different stuff. She searched for an attic.